“STOP IT!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. It felt good to yell at the two of them. They had been at it for a half hour. After that fleeting moment of relief, I was taken aback…did that really come from me? Did I really just scream at my parents?
After I decided it indeed had come from my mouth, I added in a smaller voice, “….Please? Take it somewhere else. Jay is right in front of you…”
I think I probably cared about my brother more than my mom and dad. Lately, they had been fighting a lot; often in front of us. As if they didn’t care or know we were witnessing this. Sometimes I had this surreal feeling in the pit of my stomach, like it wasn’t actually happening. Like this was just one of the most vivid dreams I would ever have.
I snapped out of it and reminded myself that if you’re thinking “oh, I must be dreaming”, you’re probably awake.
My mother looked at me angrily for a few seconds. She had a way of looking angry and surprised at the same time, with the same facial expression. Her eyebrows would arch, as if she was surprised. But at the same time, she would purse her lips, as if she was biting her tongue. It’s not exactly easy to explain, but I hope you can get the gist of it. It certainly would make me stop in the middle of the street, wondering what that woman is staring at.
She lowered her eyebrows and slightly parted her lips. This is when she starts talking to you in a calm-but-panicked voice. She said, “Gisele. Stay out of this. Your father—”
I quickly cut in.
“I know what Dad said. I don’t care, honestly. I just want you guys to SHUT UP.”
My mother looked down at the plain white carpeted floor, and inhaled deeply. She brushed her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear, and sighed. She look absolutely exhausted. Her eyeliner was smudged and her eyes were bloodshot. Her shaking hand slowly reached for her car keys and walked out the front door. Not another word was spoken.
I knew she would be gone all night. Possibly two nights. I wasn’t sure who she was staying with. Maybe a boyfriend. Maybe her friend from work. I quite truthfully didn’t want to know.
There were a lot of things I knew already…not that I wanted to. If I could have erased them from my mind, I would’ve. But you can’t un-ring a bell, similar to how you can’t un-see-and-hear an argument between those two dumbasses I call my parents.
I looked directly in front of me, not really seeing what was there. I felt so helpless, desperate to stop this chaos. It was moments like that when I wish I could just escape to a different country and stay there for a year or so, just to clear my mind.
Hmm…clear my mind. That sounded good right about now. I thought to myself, “maybe I should take a walk around the neighborhood…just for an hour or so.”
I did just that, but stopped in Jay’s room to pick up his Swiss Army pocket knife.
** is it okay so far?